Living in Denial

Updated: May 23, 2020




I’ve lived a life in denial!


Wow. As I read that out loud in my own hearing, I say wow! It’s not something that I’ve thought about or confronted. Yet, at this time of reflection during the Covid 19 lockdown, I have to admit that I’ve been walking around blind!


Walking around expecting to be able to easily start and finish everything I was able to do before the brain injury.


Unaware that I was living in denial.


Walking...walking with no movement! Walking on a treadmill and going no where fast! Existing rather than living! The thought of remaining at this point....was just not worth considering or thinking about! I refused to remain in denial. It was no longer possible! It was no longer acceptable!!


So, what did I do? I changed my focus. I looked UP and as soon as I did things changed.


I accepted RESPONSibility. I told myself that it was OK to talk about my feelings, thoughts and struggles. That I shouldn’t hide from it. It’s who I am! Yes, I am likely to get something wrong or produce something below my normal ‘ standard’, but, it’s OK.


I told myself it was OK to share my experience- my wins and my failures. It has taken me 10 years to get here! but I’m grateful that I’ve got here in the end.


I have accepted who I am right now. I have accepted all that I can do and may not be able to do at this time. With time and patience I shall get there. I have had to accept my new normal. My new normal revealed during Covid 19 lockdown. The me that I was is no longer, so accept the new me that I am right now.


Wooooow! Acceptance! Acceptance is a process and I am on the journey. All I know at this point in time is that acceptance has lifted a weight off my shoulders that I had never realised was holding me down. I smile! I feel lighter!


The freedom I feel at this moment, having accepted what happened and the me that I am right now, has released me - I feel free!!


Therefore


#ichoose to accept what I cannot change. #ichoose to search and find new ways of doing things that I need or want to do. #ichoose freedom. #ichoose to smile. #ichoose life. #ichoose to enjoy my new me. #ichoose my new normal.

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